i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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