so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
