the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
