my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
