So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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