I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Acid is not a monday night drug
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
