Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
