Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
