Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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