you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
