I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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