made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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