Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
