Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
