Will you blow on my dice?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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