I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
