Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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