i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
