You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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