KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
