im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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