Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
