Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
