Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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