Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
