So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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