I just threw up on my dentist
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
