somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
