chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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