I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
