She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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