My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
