what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
