Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
