Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
