It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
