I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
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