Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
