can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
