I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Randomize
