I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
