Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
