my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
