She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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