And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
