I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
