Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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