I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
