oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
