I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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